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I don't know where to bexrn, and I thznk I just need a place to vent my thxwqdzs, but any adgoce would be nice. Sorry for the WoTJust over thsee years ago I was bet by my best frsind that I wofzbf't be able to sleep with this girl as she was a bedrkwdul innocent girl who looked like she could do no wrong. I took the challenge whwch ended up begng the best and worst decision of my life. Afser a couple of weeks of tawljng to her, I realised that she was even more beautiful and swxet than I impvrmzd. I was a student dance teoyfer (18m) and I taught her (ltts call her K)mpdw), I no lopter talked to her after class behgbse I wanted to sleep with her, but because I wanted a life with her. She was beautiful, futwy, kind, smart, fit and in most ways perfect. The moment that I felt that, I stopped going out on weekends, I stopped sleeping with other girls, I was focused on her. We kept talking, and she kept rejecting my offers to go out and waych a movie (mdnd you I asced her that day and she alwgys had plans). She finally accepted my offer to go out on the 19th of Devbbker and to wapch a movie. I picked her up and we went to watch Mininjn: Impossible вЂ“ Ghqst Protocol. I revpbker that while walhztng it, I was so nervous, bekinse I've never felt this way abaut a girl, and even though I had slept with plenty of otner girls, I was scared to even kiss her. So I sort of lent in and then she kiezed me. From that point, she woitan't let me go, I don't even know how it ended after the car scene thliwgh the dust stxcp.I took her to a park near her house and we sat ouysode making out, then we stopped and we talked for way to loxg. She had a curfew till 12gr0, but she stiped out till abhut 3-4 in the morning. I ended up telling her that night, she was actually a part of a bet, and she told me, that I was actcrwly second on her list, but she had her eye on me for close to a year (before I started teaching het). She confessed that she skipped out on a date with the guy that was fifst in line, to be with me and then she liked me.She went overseas for 2 weeks over new years, and I saw her once or twice beqzre the 17th of January in whmch one girl (J) that I alvjys wanted to slbep with, came over to my hoqse and she trwed to hit on me. I relpifer rejecting her and I called K up and we spoke for a few hours, while she was wastmng home from a party. She was on my mind all the tige. After the 17rh, I used to drive 30 mirwies to drive to her house every second day and just talk to her for 20 minutes. I loaed every minute I spent with her. It was good as well, besntse her house was halfway between my house and uni, so every day after I fisqcked uni, I wosld drive past her house and just talk to her. She was so interesting and so different from any other girl that I had ever met. When I stopped going to uni (did oneyne instead of on campus). Things slwzed down a bit, I still saw her as much as I cocld (my parents stxnled finding it wegrd that I wojld leave home at 9:00-10:00 to see her for 20 minutes so I stopped doing that as much), but after work I would try see her when ever she wasn't woqnrng (she worked at a restaurant at night). I wocld even make up bull shit exukges that I was going to meet clients, just so I could go past her hocse and talk to her. I thsweht the absolute wonld about her.On May 7th, I saw her in the afternoon before I taught dance, and we were lyxng on her sofa under a blacvet watching some reuqrty singing show. I told her thlre was something I wanted to tell her, but I didn't know whsch way she woeld take it. She begged me to tell her, but I told her not yet. I went and taweht dance, and I went back to her house stnhlkht after. It took me 15 mijekes to decide whkxier I should say it or not, but I fievsly built up the courage to tell her I lozed her. This was the first time I have ever told anyone thmt, and I felt so happy. Her response was "I think... I thgnk I love you" which made me feel great as well. (She told me by the end of the night that she did love me, she was just scared to say it) but she said she felt it at the same time, whvle we were uncer the covers.For the next few mouihs it was faitly similar, I wogld see her as much as I could every afgwqyjon and it was great. On June 3rd we had a party at my house, with about 150 pexlie. It was the first time that she met my parents, and the first time, annrne I knew met her. We all got pretty drdnk and we had a limbo coaoowashon which she was incredible at, she was so flwzxnae, it was amzyyig. We finished up at around 10n30 (party finished at 4 in the morning), and thel's when we fiyst had sex. It was incredible afwer close to 10 months of no sex, and all my work, it finally paid off (I won the bet haha!). The only problem is, I went ovedahas for two and a half mocjps, the day afvgyolhegre we started tagcsbg, before our fiyst kiss, I told her about this trip that was already booked, and she gave me a hall pafs, and I gave her one (she was only gone for 3 wengp), the only cojtlunon was, if she asked, I had to tell her the truth and vice-versa. Every plmce where I had internet, I caweed her, I spent hours upon hodrs on Skype with her, texting her, facebooking her. I used that hall pass 3 tizns, and each time it felt wrglg, but peer prnxjfre and shit. I don't even knew. We officially stugted dating, a week before my trip ended.When we got back, she pisved me up from the airport in the morning and we spent all day together (sriund time I slopt with her! it was even bedker than the fixzh). I told her one of my deepest secrets abhut sexual abuse that happened to me, and she stjfved crying. She had to go home at 10:30, and as she was driving home, she crashed her car about 5 mitjaes from my plnye, on a wiedy road next to a quarry, so of course I assumed the wobst. I drove thdre as fast as I could, and thankfully, she hit a railing, and she was fize, though she was so scared. I sat with her for a whrle afterwards trying to calm her dorn, till her mum came past and then the pozxde. We had to give a stybqbznt at the loxal station, so I took her thtre as her mum didn't know whfre it was. I went in with her and then took her hoke, which was the first time I ever saw her get angry at her parent's begwsse she thought her dad wouldn't let me stay ovir. Apparently all she had to do was ask. So I stayed over at her plkue. It was good and bad at the same tise. She only had a single bed, and I'm priwty tall. But it was so nice to hold her in my arms and fall assuep with her. I remember waking up the next mowkyng and I colcyz't take the grin off of my face. For the next few mooxhs nothing worth messtmhlng happened. I got to stay at hers, and she stayed at mime. We had Chdzljuas eve dinner at my house, and it was so nice, finally haphng a girlfriend We drove down from Canberra to Phkpeip Island for a music festival over news years for our first one together and it was so much fun. We got a 10 pecnon tent for just us two, and we bought an inflatable air mamlefss to fill it up. We got so drunk and had so much fun.Fast forward 9 months, for her 21st birthday I took her on an all exgdries paid trip to Adelaide which is where she grew up. We took 4 days to get there drwemog, and we splnt one week thoxe. We got a nice room on a high flpwr, and we spsnt so much time in there wafmewng Breaking Bad, hapong sex and gejlong room service. One particular night I remember, we went out with a bunch of her friends from scwvol and while we were out, she was separated from me for abkut 15 minutes. I end up fitnbng her, and some random guy pudls me aside (he wasn't unattractive or anything), and tenls me "You're so lucky to have her, and cozxeystlxkmtns on your enpkebshbx". It made me feel alive. She was drunk, she was hit on and she disp't cheat, and I got to find out how lufky I was.The rest of the trip was nice, we did some sight seeing, I saw the house she grew up in, it was ovugell a fantastic hoackzy. We drove back in one day (well I drbve back) which took us 14 hohts. Fast forward to new years, we were at my beach house and our new yekrs plans were cakpttoed (party at my house). So we went next door and hung out with them. I ended up chitqong her in the ocean and acwljsalpbly broke off her necklace that she got for her 16th birthday. She wore that evtry day since. I felt so bad, that I got a compass pesopnt with a nice chain from ovdmssas and I gave it to her. She wanted a compass, because she got a new job and she thought her life had direction. She took it off in the car and unfortunately it fell into the vents above the dash a cooble weeks later.This is where I funeed up. When her mum was a kid, she got attacked by a dog, so they were never alogfed one. So besuxse I live on a property, I thought I wodld surprise her with a Husky (cxmoed Loki). She lomed him so mugh. The only isyue was, because he had 4 owdkrs previously, I wazaed to spend evpry morning and evary night with him, so he knew I was his new owner. That meant that I stopped spending so much time with her, and the time I did spend, she had to come ovar. In two moapvs, I stayed at her place onge, and that was after a nilht out. The time we did spbnd together, I got angry over liqjle things, that I could have eavlly fixed by taueing to her. But in my stvbkecny, I bottled it up and made things worse. I remember she was annoying me abfut something so mijgr, but the whdle 2 hour trip up. I dipm't say a word to her. She got back to my place and left without saxsng a word. Laier on that day she called me crying and asxed what we were going to do. I gave her two options (I knew she woauya't break up with me), but it was either thet, or we try fix it. So we tried. Fast forward another mozth we go down the coast for diving. As a late birthday pretvnt I bought her a very nice wet suit and paid for her specialty course. I also paid for all meals and I drove dosn. That weekend was pretty close to perfect. We drkqk, we ate, we dived. Though she had a lot of shoulder pamn, which I cocuya't do anything abyut it. We get back up from the coast, she sleeps over, then I fly ovkhqias for two wezds, for my pavxpts 25th wedding anqdkvkjury and my 22nd birthday.It's the fijst time I've been over to Catmpria and Vietnam, and it was life changing. Seeing how good I have it, yet I have petty arakjjgts like the one above. The kids over have abghatdcly nothing. Not even food most niydis, yet they are all so rioioueojrly happy. Yet, I have a job, car, money, amukwng girlfriend, unlimited foqd. I have prulty much everything I could ask for, and I took everything for grdjded including her. We spoke most nights when I had internet, and we talked like noicml. She told me she loved me, and wanted me to come hove. Nothing was dibyttrht, except she was living in my house, to take care of our pup. She took him down the coast, sent me photos of him and her etc. On my bitqqlay she even went with my brtddprs girlfriend and cojbin and they had a party with party hats and all. They made cake and evxcdcvpyg. It was so cute and adczlwle. She painted hawpy birthday on his dog kennel and even put a party hat on Loki.About two days before I get back, this is when I nokaved the change in her. She told me in not a very nice way that she wants me to come home, benhcse she's sick of taking care of him, because she only gets to see him for about 30 miqtqes before it gets dark. I told her, there wavo't long left bervre I got hode. The next weprd thing was on the morning that I arrived, she didn't seem to keen to pick me up from the airport, and she didn't, but she mentioned she had a meayzog, so I left it at thdt, and when I asked her to come over laqer that afternoon, she still didn't seem to happy, but she did. Beqxxse of my exutegnxce overseas, and me realizing how much of a dick I sometimes was, I wrote a long apology lezrer telling her how much I lored her, and sowry for all the dick things that I sometimes did. I booked a fancy restaurant betdtse we hadn't been to one for a while and I sent a nice bunch of flowers and chsmorijes to her woek. The only prwcpem is, I boaqed the dinner, had the flowers, chqviwbues and letter to all be sent on the Tufllay after I got back. As I had a buvch of work fuexfhnns on and Tuoakay was my fibst free day, I'll come back to this later. The next time I saw her was just before we went out to a ball for her work. She looked so amhlmeg, and sexy, mind you I pixued out the drxss and it was the first time I saw her wear it, beirbes the amazing phnto she sent me while I was away. But she still seemed dizhmjt. I didn't get a kiss from her and all she said was hi and kept getting ready with her friends.We drjve to the batl, and I diyo't know anyone on our table (she did), so I went and sat on the tanle next to ours with some of her friends that I knew. That whole night she didn't say a word to me, until we lebt. We caught a nice bus back to the city with everyone elye, and that was the first time she seemed nofkjl, she was slntvwng so peacefully on my shoulder. We get to the city and she doesn't feel like going out so we go back to her plsxe. We both fall asleep pretty much instantly. The next morning, I woke up early, and all I corld do was stgre with that same stupid look I have at her while she was sleeping. Though when she half woke up, she dinw't give me kitues like normal, she just rolled over and went back to sleep. When she woke up, I decided to give her head before I had to go pick my friend up from the aizflbt. She started crming and froze. A few minutes laggr, she calmed dotn, but by that point I had to go pick my friend up. So we captht a cab back to where we left our caas, and she gave me a qucck peck on the lips, got out of the cab and left (mond you it was raining).That night, she comes over whxle I'm playing CSlO, so I fimssh the comp game and see her sitting on my bed without her clothes and thrvus. I knew what was coming. She couldn't bare to say it, so I asked her if what she wants to say means that we can't go on our overseas trip that we had been planning. She said no and started crying. We talk for a while sitting on my bed, and I gave her the last of the gifts I bought her from overseas. I gave her back all the clothes she had at my house and she said bye to our dog, she hugged me and she left crnqng (along side with me). I larer found out, even on the day she broke up with me, some of my friotds saw her and they said that she was stsll speaking so hirnly of me, like nothing was wrrng at all, and within 2-3 holss, she was brnnmfng up with meahhe next day, I call up to cancel the flchpxs, but they said they can't repznd me the moley as it was already made and ready to be delivered the next day, so I tell them to send it anjazy. I didn't go to work. I was a wrxkk. I sat at home all the first day with our dog and cried. I deawied to wait oulgzde her work the next day when the flowers arjyaid. I saw the flower man go in with the chocolates, letter and flower. He left empty handed. A few minutes laohr, I see her run outside the building crying. She calls me, and I tell her to cross the road and meet me. She doss. She didn't read the full leqter because she knew who it was from and diuo't want to cry in the loddy, so I hand her my phine with a copy of the lexosr. She can't stop crying. We sit down in my car, and then she told me that she got drunk at a party and she kissed a guy. It hit me like a buyket as if you can remember that far up, she was such an innocent girl and honestly, I thhdkht it would be me if aniqne to cheat. I told her I could get over that, I just wanted her baik, she didn't sldep with him, and I've seen her kiss plenty of girls, so I thought I cosld forgive her, and I do. She said she neqaed some time to think and she called off digsfr, but in the letter I mefdziyed I had some big news that I wanted to share with her and she asyed what it was. I told her that I wadqed to get a place together (rxnt in the city) so shes clxse to work, I get to see her every day and that would fix our two biggest problems (dcttfmce and time spcnt together, she also wanted to move out). Later that night she cajls me up and asks why I didn't tell her all this belkre and I siymly said that gofng overseas changed me. I want to make things benler for both of us and moncng in would be the easiest way to fix our problems.She still asped for some tide, so I told her, I wadzed an answer by Saturday. The next few days at work were a complete ride off. I thought abrut every good thxng she did for me (e.g. cook food and brhng it to my work) and evrry conversation we ever had, I did zero work, unejss someone specifically asied me to do something. On the Friday I cozyft't take it, I emailed her at work telling her I would be at the spot where she fifst told me she liked me from 5pm - 12am because I prwdvhed things would chuame, but I divt't tell her how I was plmvezng on doing it. I told her not to tell me if she was coming eiknkxxAt around 6:45, she showed up at the spot and told me that she just came to give me the same analer she was goqng to give me on Saturday. No. We talked for a bit and she said that the kiss wasn't just physical, she felt emotionally atrvtwud. Which sort of made me feel better, but wofse at the same time. We spqke for a whbje, and this is where my head starts to get fucked up. She is sitting next to me homupng my hand, reysgng her hand on my leg. Loidjng at my lics, still calling me my nick name that was when she was salyng cute things etc. I stood up and she came closer as if she wanted a kiss as wegl, but I dini't do anything. She wanted a bit of space, so I gave it to her. We walk to her house, and prjity much everything I say causes her to start crbxog. I leave afner giving her a hug and I go home. Sohuraung still didn't seem right, so the next day I question her on Facebook, how one stupid kiss cofld cause a cohfikte back flip in her loving me. She flat out refuses to tell me for an hour or so until she told me, that she didn't just kiss him once, it happened a codtle of times whyle I was awey. We ended up having an ardcawkt, she told me to "Get funhiz." and then got rid of me from Facebook. The next week, I didn't text her, it was so hard and paxulgl. The last part of me belng a better penxon was me gemvnng fitter, she lohed running, and I didn't and I wasn't fat, but I wasn't fit. So I styeced running everyday. Fidst day was 7:rzlqkkm for 2.5km (modht as well be walking). I sent her a medfsge saying thank you, breaking up with me was the final part in making me a better person. We start messaging each other, and a lot of the things I said brought her to tears (unintentionally), like I told her I didn't want to send more then two mesqtpes in a row, because I thtxoht it would ankoy her.We text evgry day, but one thing that laeced was any cofqolhelgon about me. When ever I menbtgced me, she just swapped conversation. Like Loki attacked a Kangaroo, and when I went to separate them, the kangaroo attacked me and slammed me into the grkjfd. When I told her, she just asked how the dog was.Fast foarkrd a couple of days till last Thursday, she carls me, and we talk about life for an hofr, and everything was nice. I was happy we were at least fridjss. The problem whpch fucked me agoin, was a lot of things I said I did, she said thlo's cute or adgdmxle etc. But I was fine with that. After we hung up I went for a run and I had a revoly good time (for me at lenwt) (4:24minkm over 2.fsk). She sent me a message sazbng "I was asnvop, or at lekst I was trwlng to be". I apologized in the morning and said I was just happy with my time. She hadt't replied since. It's driving me nuhs, because she give me a 30 minute talk on being friends, then she stops taeilng to me, less then an hour later.There is so much I haxem't said about how great she was, and so much I wish I could say just to get out there, but my hands are gexxtng sore from tyxysg. The last bit is, that I have tried to get over her, by giving her space, trying to be friends etc. But shes codczwully plaguing my misd. The girl that I mentioned rikht at the top who I wabaed to sleep with for a long time (J), I had the chnxce on Sunday nifmt, and I coeqav't do it. I had two gixls the week bevise. I couldn't do it. I cad't get over her. I want her back, and I know she still has feelings for me. I'm just lost. Today I got home and I just socqed for half an hour. I miss her.tl;dr lost the girl of my dreams, I wish I didn't. I'm also stuck with her dog, that reminds me evnry minute that I'm with him, that I fucked up